The 18 schemas

Abandonment, Instability If you carry the Abandonment, Instability schema, you tend to live with a quiet, persistent expectation that the people you rely on will eventually leave, let you down, or become unavailable. Mistrust, Abuse If you carry the Mistrust, Abuse schema, you tend to expect that others will eventually hurt, exploit, deceive, or take advantage of you — even people who seem kind. Emotional Deprivation If you carry the Emotional Deprivation schema, you tend to live with a quiet, often unspoken sense that your emotional needs won't be met — that no one will truly nurture you, understand you, or look out for you. Defectiveness, Shame The Defectiveness, Shame schema centers on a single painful belief: that you are fundamentally flawed, bad, or unlovable as a person. Social Isolation, Alienation The Social Isolation, Alienation schema centers on a particular kind of loneliness: the sense that you are on the outside of the group, that you don't belong, that you're somehow different from everyone else and apart from the wider world. Dependence, Incompetence The Dependence, Incompetence schema centers on the belief that you can't handle everyday life on your own — that without someone to lean on, you'd be unable to cope, decide, or manage. Vulnerability to Harm or Illness If this schema fits you, you may carry a deep, nagging sense that catastrophe is just around the corner and that you wouldn't be able to cope if it struck. Enmeshment, Undeveloped Self If this schema resonates, you may feel so emotionally fused with someone close, often a parent or partner, that it's hard to tell where they end and you begin. Failure to Achieve If this schema fits you, you may carry a persistent inner belief that you are inadequate, that you've fallen short and will keep falling short in the areas where achievement is supposed to count, such as school, career, sports, or other domains where success is measured. Entitlement, Grandiosity If this schema fits you, you may carry a deep sense that ordinary rules, limits, or waiting shouldn't apply to you the way they apply to everyone else. Insufficient Self-Control If this schema fits you, you may find it genuinely hard to sit with discomfort, delay a reward, or hold back an impulse, even when you know the long view would serve you better. Subjugation If this schema fits you, you may live with a deep, often automatic sense that you have to surrender your own needs, preferences, and feelings to whatever the people around you seem to want. Self-Sacrifice If the Self-Sacrifice schema is part of your story, you may find yourself drawn, again and again, to meeting other people's needs while quietly setting your own aside. Approval-Seeking, Recognition-Seeking If this schema is part of your experience, much of your sense of self-worth may rest on what other people think of you. Negativity, Pessimism If the Negativity, Pessimism schema is part of your life, your attention may tilt, almost automatically, toward what could go wrong — and away from what's going right. Emotional Inhibition Emotional Inhibition is the habit of holding back what you feel, hold back what you spontaneously want to do, and keeping a tight lid on how much of your inner world you let others see. Unrelenting Standards, Hypercritical Unrelenting Standards is the deep-seated belief that you must meet impossibly high standards, and that anything less just isn't good enough. Punitiveness Punitiveness is best understood not as being a harsh person, but as carrying a harsh inner voice, one that insists mistakes deserve punishment rather than understanding.